i always thought my first time would be better

Somewhere, I have a t-shirt I bought from one of my many Rush shows. It has a Neil Peart-ism scribbled front and back, which I can't remember exactly for the life of me (bad, bad fan), but something along the lines of "If you want something done right, do it yourself".

Which was exactly how I felt last night.

Most of you know that I've been a budding singer-songwriter for a while, me and my pianner. I've come this close to making recordings/CDs to give to my adoring fans... er, patient friends and family, and I've been stymied every step of the way.

Last night, I shared the stage with a group of musicians (who shall remain nameless) at the Wayward Coffeehouse in Greenwood. One of the group is someone I've played with for a few years; and when I heard this group takes the stage at the coffeehouse every few weeks, I figured, what better place for my music. I don't have enough material to fill a two-hour slot, but I could squeeze a few minutes out of the jazz band's slot, right?

Not to mention that the jazz band was needing a sax sub, indefinitely. And I hardly ever get to play my horns. I decided to join up for the short term.

So, two weeks ago, I played with them at the Wayward in a slight fit of disorganization, but I'm kind of anal about being organized for the public -- so maybe it was just me.

Last night was the public debut of my original music. I'd played for friends in my house, I'd played for friends at their houses, but never for the absolute public. I had a few friends planted in the audience.

But disorganization and good performances are mutually exclusive, and I could kick myself for not giving this more weight. We started out shuffling the schedule because one girl forgot her music and had to have it retrieved in Redmond; mildly annoying, but no biggie. A few songs later, and I was ready to roll. The band cleared out of the seating area, leaving me at my keyboard, and the band leader constantly adjusting the mic.

As I played the opening verse of This Time, I thought the amp/speakers were peaking out -- I sounded fuzzy even for me. I kept going, but shouldn't have. If I could hear it from behind the speakers, what was the audience hearing? I looked over at Bruce, and he made a face indicating that it was bad. I slipped an under the breath "can you fix it" in between sung words.

But the musicians in the main band were totally oblivious. They had "no idea" what was wrong, and were apparently just so awestruck that I could play and sing at the same time. How can you not notice, and call yourself a musician?

In any case, toward the end of my song, the leader of the group adjusted the soundboard as I played. And kept adjusting. More and more. I chose the first song to be a dramatic entrance, and that was totally destroyed by the sound issues. I played a bunch of random stuff, she kept turning the dials. The audience sat there, waiting for us to get things together.

Thing is, I thought everything had been sound-checked. I was told that it had been. Heck, I saw them testing it all! My keyboard and mic were going to be used at another point during the gig by someone else, and checking had been taken care of. So I was told.

The rest of my little performance went off without a hitch. I was barely nervous... felt my hands shaking a bit on the keyboard, but not much. Had some brief inter-song commentary, but I minimized that -- especially since there was a big gap between my first two songs, trying to work on the sound. But I had a lot of ground to make up, after that first song.

And I did it. My first time performing my original songs publicly. I was told they were "good" and that my performance was good, but I'm sure it could've been much better under other circumstances.

But what should I expect? This is the band where some people have their music in disarray up until the last second, and the leader changes the set list while on stage. This is the band where some people are constantly losing their place, and nearly yelling "where are we?" without covering up the mic -- yes, the audience heard every last piece of that. The disorganized chatting among band members between songs, as if it were a rehearsal. And worst -- none of them recognized that all of this was a problem.

All in all, the most unprofessional gig I've played. I think, in the end, despite the sound problems, my little segment was the most professional of the batch.

Unfortunately for this, as with other things in life, I won't get another chance at a "first time". But next time, I'm not going to rely on others -- I'm going to do it myself. And I can always fake that it's my first time.